I was feeling a bit guilty about not having written a bloggy blog last weekend. I did get caught up with other important writing jobs but I don't like to forget you and I should have made the time. Then it happened...
(A SNEAK PEAK FROM MY UPCOMING ARTICLE)
Is there anything more frustrating and upsetting than watching your child lose the happy, playfulness they had when they were younger. Fear changes people (especially little people) and we need to understand what causes it and how best to help them. Seriously anxious little boys (8-12 years old) would makeup about 25% of my clinical client base now. These are divine kids and it's so sad and frustrating to listen to them offload their enormous worries.
Another not-so-fun-fact about school anxiety is that while it can certainly be about fear or worry about something at or on the way to school, it’s usually about the fear that something bad will happen at home and to loved ones while they’re away at school and can’t protect anyone. Imagine what a huge responsibility that feels like?
Please give a very warm welcome to Angela Bradley Online's first guest bloggy-blogger, JAYSON MAIR (relationship and personal transformation magician), with an awesomely, warm and insightful look at how you can plan ahead and put the meaning back into Christmas and change the world while you're at it!
Find Jayson at JMC (Jayson Mair Coaching) www.myjmccoach.com
Christmas - A time to celebrate as well as a time to reach out
“You can’t control how others behave but you can control how you react”. Wow, that’s definitely easier to say than do, right? As a psychologist people seem constantly mystified by the fact that we also struggle with the stuff we help others through. I have a GIGANTIC, BLOCKBUSTING SECRET for those people. Psychologist are PEOPLE! Just people! When I look at your ‘stuff’ I’m able to see a clarity around it that you can’t because it’s not my ‘stuff’. But when it comes to working out our own issues, aahhhhhh hilarious.
"Life doesn’t make you anything. It throws down gauntlets, it issues challenges and gives us opportunities to be proud of ourselves and how we’ve met a challenge or become trapped in negativity."
That’s how I see it. Try this and see how it changes your game. If you’re taking responsibility for your own stuff, the right people will respect you for your kind enforcement of what you need. The wrong people will drop away – good riddance.
You know, I’ve always hated that question, “How’d you sleep?” If I slept well, I was asleep and won’t remember and if I had a crappy sleep I’m going to be really grumpy and I won’t want to talk about it! That gives you a bit of an indication of the way I cope when I’m over tired – I don’t. Truly, I’m horrible. Somewhere between exhausted and homicidal at times if I don’t really pay attention to my sleep routine.
We’re far more likely to be snappy and over-reactive, crave material things and fatty and sugary foods, be less motivated and creative, substitute exercise with TV and computer time and mood regulation? Forget it! In my own work, I would estimate that emotional well-being is drastically improved in 85-90% of cases when clients are no longer over-tired.
The raw tiredness then compounds with the absolute wasted energy of just trying to get out of bed and drag our backsides around achieving the most basic things.
Let’s not forget the kids
The impact of tiredness is also a MONUMENTAL problem for our children. Do you know how many times I see badly behaved children and children supposedly with ADHD and ADD and ODD and blah, blah, blah that basically just need a good sleep routine, regular healthy meals and a few consistent boundaries? It’s almost depressing. Tantrums are about 3 parts frustration and 4 parts tiredness.
I’m not going to defend this position if people want to jump up and down and say I’m invalidating the real suffering caused by genuine childhood mental health issues because the fact is in many, many cases what I have just said is the cold, hard truth.
These are my top ten tips for cleaning up your sleep act and getting your mood and your mind back on full charge
1. Make sure you have the most comfortable bed you can afford
2. Clean, dust and tidy your bedroom (yes, even under and behind your bed)
3. Make sure your room is cool and airy
4. Go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day
5. Don’t sleep with a jerk
6. Turn screens off and lights down 1-2 hours before bed
7. Have a shower or bath an hour before bed
8. Hydrate early in the evening so you’re not up to the bathroom too often
9. Relax your jaw by dropping your tongue away from the roof of your mouth
10. Download a racing brain by writing lists for the next day or a nightly journal
Aaaaaaahhhh the self-talk
My last piece of advice is about that incredibly, unhelpful blather that goes on between you and your inner voice in the wee, small hours of the morning - conversations that can be so ridiculous and counter-productive they’re almost funny.
“Omg I have to work tomorrow and I can’t get to sleep”
“Yes, yes, I’ll be asleep in a minute, I’m really tired”
“But I I’m not tired. What if I never fall asleep?”
“It’s ok, if I fall asleep in the next seven minutes, I still will have had five hours sleep. I can get by on that”
“What am I, twenty? I can’t function on that. I’ll be psychotic all day and asleep by three”
“Now I’m hungry and I need to pee. Arrrrggghhhh!”
Sound familiar? Take control of that battle with a little guided imagery. Stay in bed and calm your thoughts. Softly resting your body is almost as good as sleep. Put a gentle smile on your face, cuddle down under the covers and think about how wonderful it is that you don’t have to get up yet and can rest for a few more hours. Think about the things you’re grateful for. Imagine bunnies in their cosy burrows snuggling up together and gently purring away. Then breathe deeply, slowly and gently and gradually empty your mind of all thoughts. It’s all good. It’s all fine…
There are also some excellent meditation and sleep sound apps for our smart phones so have a bit of fun trying those out. Whatever you do, fix your sleep. You’ll be amazed how great you feel.
If you need further assistance you can visit your doctor or contact me through my website and I’ll be a happy to chat about your situation.
To read my full article in My Wellbeing Magazine click here
Have you ever wondered when your life became one dreary, routine day after another? By the time you finished doing what you HAVE to do, there precious little time or energy left for anything else? Maybe you like the way your life is going but you're feeling drained and flat and just not enjoying it like you used to?
How do you feel when you open your eyes in the morning, what are you really feeling? Do you bounce out of bed, ready to start your day or do you want to cover your head with the doona and stay there? If it's the latter, then guess what...
This, my friends, is one of the clearest signs there is. It's time to take stock and work out what's gone wrong. It's not ok to not enjoy your life. It's not ok to accept that life is all hard work and exhaustion and there's no room for fun - no way!
People will tell you that's real life, right? That's because they're not having any fun either and they need to believe that's true. We don't want to see everyone else having more fun than us, let's face it. Then we'd have to get off our arses and do something about it - heaven forbid! That sounds like a whole lot of hard work.
Don't be that guy. Don't be one of THOSE people that let themselves stay miserable and normalises it by dragging others down with you. You know the type. Make a decision that you'll bring your choices back into the forefront of your mind and decide if they're working for you or they're not. Remember what you used to do and have in your life that inspired you to dive into every day. If you've never felt like that, you have even more reason to not waste another day.
Be silly. Think childishly. Schedule in some reckless fun. Go to a theme park without the kids. Go out in the rain and jump like a fool in all the puddles. Crack out the board games and invite your least mature friends over to play. Make fart noises with your arm pits - I don't care.
Whatever your brand of fun. Stop taking life so seriously. Laughter is contagious and most of what stresses you out isn't going anywhere. It can wait. Take a break and make some time for fun every day and see how your energy and mood picks up. People may actually want to spend time with you again! You never know...
Labelling, in every sense is about efficiency. If we label our boxes properly when we pack and move house we know what to expect out of each package which saves time and gives us a great sense of control.